in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Floor bacon is actually really good
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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