I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
I don't deserve a penis
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
