covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
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