my room smells like sperm. sweet.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I just want to make out with him forever
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Randomize