Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Randomize
