finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
