u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Randomize
