You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
