im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
