your room smells of hookers.
And success
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Randomize
