im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Randomize
