Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize