Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
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