God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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