The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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