Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
