I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
