When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Randomize
