she woke up with a sticky ear
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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