I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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