laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
