Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Randomize
