This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Is it penis luge time yet?
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Pants are for mortals
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