can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
