If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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