I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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