I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
I would ride that face into the sunset
Don't tell me you're on acid again
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Randomize
