Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
Can Purell be used as lube?
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
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