That's when you crack a 10am beer
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize