I think i sorta joined a cult last night
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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