I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
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