She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
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