You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
