Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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