She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
