I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Randomize
