just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
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