I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
