I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
