i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
