Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I just sucked dick on a ferry
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