; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
You're earring is so big in my mouth
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
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