I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
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