The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Randomize
