i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
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