shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
