She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
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