Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Randomize