We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Randomize
