While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Randomize
