o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Randomize