I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Still dying that you shit outside
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Randomize
