Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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