someone get that fucking seahorse.
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Randomize
