We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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