just survived the first fart of the relationship.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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