he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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