he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Randomize
