I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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