i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
