:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
