Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
