The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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