Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
