is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
we're making bets on your personal life
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Randomize
